Right on time for wedding season—when blended families everywhere are blending for weddings, graduations, vacations, and all of life’s big special occasions—comes a story that just might inspire everybody to behave a little better at the family table. LOL.
Meet Andrea and Heidi: two New Jersey women, moms, grandmothers, successful professionals and small business owners who share something most women don’t.
They both married the same man.
Not at the same time, people. LOL.
Heidi married Dan when they were young. They had two daughters and jumped headfirst into parenthood together. Eventually, their marriage ended.
The marriage didn’t last—but the family they created did.
Heidi rebuilt her life, working as a personal trainer, helping in her family’s excavation business, and doing whatever it took to keep moving forward.
Then she met Bob—a kind man who owned a pizza place and, very importantly, made killer pizza. Heidi and Bob have now been happily married for 20 years and run a small business together.
Andrea also married young and had two daughters. Somehow, while raising a nursing baby and a toddler, she made it through law school and went on to become a lawyer and business advisor.
Because apparently, in Andrea’s family, moms just figured things out.
Years later, Andrea met Dan on Match.com—proving that sometimes it takes an international dating site to introduce you to the love of your life who lives just 11 miles away. LOL.
Andrea and Dan have now been together nearly 20 years, blending their families and building a life centered around their children and five grandchildren.
Andrea is Gigi.
Heidi is Grammy.
And together, they are…
Wives-In-Law.
Andrea and Heidi could have chosen tension, competition, resentment—or simply kept their distance.
Instead, they chose to try.
The friendship didn’t happen overnight. It grew through patience, curiosity, awkward moments, misunderstandings, forgiveness, and a shared commitment to making life better—not harder—for the people they loved.
At first, they made the effort because they both adored their children and wanted to put them first.
But something unexpected happened along the way.
They discovered they actually liked each other!
Not tolerated each other.
Not politely smiled through family events.
Genuinely liked each other.
Today they share grandchildren, family celebrations, vacations, Broadway shows, late-night phone calls—and yes, even bacon festivals!
Their new book, Wives In Law, tells the wonderfully imperfect true story of what can happen when people choose respect over resentment, curiosity over competition, and connection over pride.
“Hi, I Really Have to Pee”
One of the things I loved most about my conversation with Andrea and Heidi was their honesty.
Heidi will tell you straight out: the divorce was not friendly.
And when she first met Andrea, she was intimidated.
There had been another relationship in Dan’s life before Andrea that hadn’t exactly brought out the best in Heidi, so naturally she wondered:
“Oh boy…what’s this one going to be like?”
Then Andrea showed up at Heidi’s house for the first time and basically said:
“Hi, I really have to pee.”
LOL.
Apparently, nothing breaks the ice like skipping the formalities and asking where the bathroom is.
Andrea remembers coming out of the bathroom to find Heidi waiting with a cold bottle of water and a smile.
And somehow, in those little human moments, the walls started coming down.
Over time, they discovered something we should all probably remember more often:
The stories we make up in our heads about other people are not always true.
Heidi assumed Andrea was confident and had it all together.
Then she discovered Andrea had insecurities too.
Heidi remembers admitting that it sometimes took her two hours to get dressed while throwing clothes all over the room.
Andrea’s response?
“Oh, me too.”
That’s the thing about women.
Sometimes we’re intimidated by another woman because we assume she has everything figured out—until we get to know her and realize she’s standing in front of her closet throwing clothes on the floor too.
They Don’t Pretend It’s Perfect
Here’s what else I loved about their story: they don’t pretend their friendship is perfect.
They still misunderstand each other. They get annoyed. They’ve had arguments.
The difference is—they talk about it.
They don’t automatically leave each other in the dust when feelings get hurt. They ask questions and work through things.
As Andrea said during our conversation:
Relationships are worth the effort.
That’s a message that goes way beyond blended families.
How many relationships might have turned out differently if we had asked one more question before making an assumption?
How many people have we misunderstood because we were reacting to a story in our own head instead of finding out what was actually true?
From “Ex-Husband” to “First Husband”
Heidi no longer refers to Dan as her ex-husband.
She calls him her first husband.
She says it feels softer.
Love that.
And perhaps one of the greatest unexpected gifts of her friendship with Andrea is that Heidi can now genuinely enjoy having Dan in her life again.
She can watch him be Grandpa to their grandsons. They can remember the good times without reopening the painful ones.
Think about what a gift that is—not only to Heidi and Dan, but to their daughters and grandchildren.
And the ripple effect has grown.
Their daughters have become friends too.
The grandchildren are growing up as friends, not just relatives.
And with another family wedding on the horizon, this blended family will once again be showing up together.
Not because it all happened by accident.
Because somebody had to go first.
Somebody had to choose curiosity over assumptions.
Somebody had to keep showing up.
And eventually, everybody won.
Sometimes Tuscany Isn’t Really the Dream
A few years ago, Andrea realized something every grandparent understands:
Childhood moves fast.
Six weeks doesn’t sound like a long time until you’re measuring it in missing teeth, longer legs, soccer goals, and grandchildren who somehow look older every time you see them.
Andrea had always imagined a magical family compound somewhere wonderful.
Maybe Tuscany.
But after a three-year house search, she and Dan found a home connected to her daughter’s neighborhood by a paved, almost fairy-tale-like walking path.
Now the grandchildren can bike, scooter, or walk over to Gigi’s house whenever they want.
Watching her five grandchildren grow up together and seeing the blended family become truly connected made Andrea realize something.
Tuscany was never really the dream.
This was.
DEBSERVATION
We spend a lot of time assuming relationships have to follow a certain script.
Ex-wife.
New wife.
Stepchildren.
Bonus children.
His family.
Her family.
Their family.
But what happens when people decide that labels matter less than love?
Andrea and Heidi threw out the script.
They put their children first. They chose respect over resentment. They gave each other grace. They talked through misunderstandings instead of walking away.
And along the way, they created a friendship neither of them expected.
Sometimes the person you think is going to complicate your life turns out to be one of the people who enriches it most.
And sometimes everybody wins because somebody was willing to go first.
A Book Dedication That Says It All
The dedication in Wives-In-Law beautifully sums up the heart of this whole story:
For our children and grandchildren.
You gave us the reason to choose love over pride, connection over conflict, and family over labels.
Meet Andrea Cataneo and Heidi Prudente authors of “Wives in Law” on The Debbie Nigro Show.
Because the truth is, nobody tells you what happens after the divorce papers are signed.
Nobody hands you a script when your family expands in unexpected directions.
This conversation is proof that families don’t have to be perfect…
They just have to be willing to keep showing up for each other.
Now THAT’S “Keeping the “LIVE” in Alive!”
Onward!
Debbie
AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:
070126-2
English (US) · 0:14:53
00:14
Always a pleasure to have you guys join me here on the Debbie Nigro Show. Yes, it’s Wellness Wednesday, keeping that live and alive because the alternative is so not appealing. And while we’re here on this planet, you know, we are challenged by a lot of different things, but we have to always look for the light in the dark right? So, this next interview and story is all about that. I’m so excited to introduce you to two fabulous women, Andrea Cataneo and Heidi Prudente. And the reason they’re here is because they are launching right here as we hear for the first time their new book.
00:48
It’s called Wives in Law. It’s a story of unexpected friendship. And the backstory, I’ll let you tell them a little bit, but it’s not about pretending they said that blended families are easy. It’s about discovering that some Person you least expect can become one of your greatest blessings. So here you go, girls. It’s your moment. Hello, Andrea. Hello, Heidi. Hi. Okay, we’re going to have to. Hi, how are you? Two people talking. I’m going to have to guide the conversation, so we don’t step over each other. Andrea, we know each other a long time. How are you?
01:21
Great to have you. I’m so delighted to be here and really excited to talk about our story. And Heidi truly is one of my greatest blessings. My best friend. And who would have thought? Right. Heidi, I’m going to get to you next, but let me just give a little backstory because it’s what I do good. Heidi married Dan in her 20s. They had two daughters, correct, Heidi? That’s correct. OK, soon that chapter closed. Sorry about that, because you were young and you went on to marry Bob. Yay. And you’ve been together 20 years. I got that straight.
01:53
Yeah. OK. Andrea got married a little too young, had two daughters with lawyers nursing baby like oh my gosh so that chapter didn’t go so good and that closed but then years later, she met Dan, Heidi’s ex husband, on a dating app. But they’re together for 20 years and now they have five grandchildren between them. Heidi’s called Grammy, Andrea’s called Gigi, and they’ve written this book to sort of share what they have found out in terms of this new friendship that could help other blended families. Heidi, let’s say hello to you real quick. You’re a special.
02:28
Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. I think I’ve given Andrea a lot of that really think I’ll give Andrea a lot of that credit. Okay, well, somebody has to be special, and I think it’s both of you. You know, when you get divorced, and you guys pointed this out, it’s no like rules of how this goes afterwards, and it’s a lot of having to figure out these new relationships. And what you’ve done that you’re basically showing other divorced people is choose, as you said, Andrea, right, in the unpredictable theater of life, you guys said, you know, love over pride. So go ahead, Andrea, start talking about this new book. It’s very good. Thank you so much. And I don’t know what I would have done without Heidi’s constant motivation and attention to this, ’cause we’ve been talking about it for four years. And I think we discovered how much we liked each other.
03:15
I think the day we met, but you have stories in your head and you have misconceptions and with blended families, there’s awkward moments. And things just, I don’t know. We lost our dads the same year. We coparented the fourth of our four daughters. And we started, like, really talking. And, man, we have more in common than we don’t, even though we’re very different people. But it wasn’t just tolerating each other. We like each other. We actually do. I think it’s because of our openness. We were both open to, like, what the heck? You know, like, how, why shouldn’t we make an effort?
03:55
We love our kids. That’s, I think, a primary thing we have in common is we just adore our kids. We put them first that’s kind of how it started. And Heidi, I’m sure you have more to add to that. I mean, that’s just my, the first things that came to mind. Okay, let me just ask, let me guide Heidi a little bit. So, Heidi, it’s your moment here. When you first got divorced, what was that feeling for you? I mean, you were a young mom and two daughters, and that, you know, that’s never simple. No, it certainly wasn’t, and it wasn’t a friendly divorce.
04:28
And, you know, because of this relationship what a bonus to get to enjoy my first husband, which we call him now, not my exhusband I feel like it’s a little softer. And, you know, I really enjoy him being, you know, grandpa to my grandsons and watching him adore them. And if it was left the way it was, it would never have been the same. Because of this relationship, you know, we’re all friends now. And it seems like he probably was very. More easily letting go the past than me, because he’s a man. Right. But you know, for me to actually really enjoy being around him, and you know, we talk about things in the past. We talk about great memories and stuff. We never talk about any of the ugly stuff. And that’s one of the great things about my relationship with Andrea. Is kind of been a taboo topic from day one.
05:25
We don’t talk about my marriage to Dan. It’s justit’s not even like we. It’s a big taboo, but it’s like why. Yeah, why? Right, shut the door. He doesn’t have the same story that I do, forget it. And so, not only did we do this setting out for the children, but it’s really not the reason anymore. I mean, now he’s like my sister, I just don’t know what I would do without her. Ah, you know, she’s my partner, so you know, so true. Here’s a question for you okay, the first time you meet the new woman in your ex husband’s life, what was your first opinion of Andrew before you got to love her? I was intimidated. You were intimidated. Yeah, she’s intimidated. I was intimidated. Yeah, she’s intimidated. It was many years in between. He had someone in his life prior to Andrea who did not bring out the best in me.
06:14
And so, you know, I went in with a, oh boy, what’s this one going to be like kind of attitude. Of course, right? Yeah. But like she was bubbly and happy from the first minute I met her. She came to my house during a drop off or handover or something. Oh, the drop offs and handovers. And said, hi, I really have to pee. The dropoffs and handdoes Hi, I really have to pee. Those were her first words to me. I was like, Okay, I guess she’s kind of cool. ” Yeah, this girl’s got no protocol whatsoever. I love her. No, and you greeted me with a with a cold bottle of water and a smile, and I’ll never forget that. Right when I came out of the bathroom, you were there with cold water and a smile. So, all a beautiful memory. Yeah, it’s really good. All right, Andrea.
06:55
Talk a little bit about you. I know now. You are intimidating in a way that you’re. You know, you’re a dynamic businesswoman very smart you know you’re beautiful and the whole thing and so so by the way Heidi you’re quite beautiful okay I put pictures of you both up there. She’s gorgeous. Quite gorgeous. She’s gorgeous and smart. And often doesn’t give herself the credit for it. Yeah I got it. But yeah she’s unbelievably like superlative in so many ways. Yeah I got it and she’s super cool and the two of you were very cool to be putting this book out together. But Andrea, first, so you go there, you tell I got to pee, and you go in the house. You know. Were you nervous about meeting her? For some reason, no, because I had heard her voice before and I liked it. Like, I, you know how I like your voice, Debbie? You just have this great voice. I had overheard her voice, and I’ll tell you something. She and Dan were not having a nice conversation. It was about, you know, I don’t know.
07:52
A money conversation. But I just heard her voice and I was like, My instinct was, and I see the good in people, I thought she sounded cool. Yeah. And when I went to her house which is gorgeous Heidi’s very gifted and talented with decorating on her flowers and lanterns she takes pride in everything she does and I loved the instant smile if you see those pictures. That I sent you I wanted you to see how naturally happy we are when we’re around each other I put them up I put that up on social media I put a couple pictures of you guys and the grandkids together that we’ll do more we’ll put when I do the blog and afterwards with the the podcast of this conversation. Which always ends up on all the podcast platforms DebbieNigrocom in case you’re just tuning in. But you’re bringing up something that’s really important. I know you wrote the book and you tell a lot of good stories, but the big story you are telling is how you learned about not making assumptions about people, especially in blended families and exes. And it’s very challenging.
08:53
Right? And people make stories in their own head about, you know, anxiety that brings them anxiety. And so I think you’re sort of giving people a release to be open to being friends with people they never thought they’d be friends with after divorce. Very interesting. Yeah, it’s about respect. For sure, right? Absolutely. 100 Okay. The assumptions. The assumptions. Okay, go ahead. No, that’s okay. Heidi. You’re married. The assumptions, like you have. Go ahead. Yeah, it’s hard when we’re not in the same room. Keep going. I was going to say the assumptions are huge because you would assume immediately. You know, when I’m feeling insecure and this person is the current woman in Dan’s life. And so obviously in my mind. She would have all this confidence and knowing her background and things. And a lot of people never get to the part that I got to with Andrea where I get to find out that that wasn’t actually true. When I would say to her, oh my gosh, like, I wish I was more like you. Like I take two hours to get dressed throwing clothes all over the room.
09:59
You know, and she’s like, Oh, me too. And I’m like, wait. What? Oh, me too. Me three. Me three. Yeah. So you don’t get to find that out when it’s just your first husband’s wife. You usually don’t get to that part of the relationship, but it’s so comforting to find out that, I mean, not that I want anybody else to be insecure. But comforting to know that you weren’t out there so insecure and this other person was just bouncing in with all this confidence. It was really the same on both sides. We both had our things, right? Yes. And now we have so much fun with that. Talking about all of that. This conversation. We do have fun with that. We actually do. And the thing is. Even as close as we are, we have misunderstandings. No, I took that the wrong way. And we get pissed. But if you let it, it’s worth it. Relationships are worth effort. Yes. And this is a relationship that I think we want to encourage people to lean in and give it a little chance. Because there’s good in everyone. But what if you find out.
11:00
That you actually can be friends, you can be respectful, you can be encouraging to each other, and what a great example that is for the kids. And Heidi, you said something earlier that it so lands with me because it’s the truth, and that is we did this initially because we wanted to set a good example and we want to do it for the kids. We love our kids so much. Right. But we’re now so close that we could be friends without all of that. Yeah, yeah. Like, we are. Yes. And we are. And it’s a possibility. This doesn’t have to be a fluke. This is a real possibility. And I don’t know. We had fun writing the book because all of the chapters are true stories of what we went through. And it is not all, you know, roses and sunshine. There were some real challenges. We’re human and we’re flawed. And I think we’re kind of funny. But yeah, I’m so glad that we gave it the time, effort, and energy that it deserved. Yeah, it takes time, though. You have to agree that this didn’t happen overnight.
12:02
Right? You have to work into the trust. No. Absolutely. And we had to have a couple of arguments. And I think it has rolled into an entirely new topic, not just getting along with your first husband’s current wife, but now it’s about girlfriends. And I have to say, I don’t have another girlfriend on the planet that I can say. You know what? I’m really pissed off. And this is this and this is that. And then Andrea says Okay, well, let’s, you know, let’s talk about it.” And then, you know, most of the time you just leave somebody in the dust when they, when it gets to that point, right? Yeah, and you start piling up the negative thoughts in your head. Yeah, and you start piling those negative thoughts. And you work through it and very honestly and openly and, you know. I think, I think with kids involved is, this is the real story.
12:52
And, you know, at some point the children are with one person and then with the other and when they’re out of your, control and this other person is in charge of them. There’s that’s where a lot of the misunderstandings and negative thoughts start hanging around. Does that is that fair? Absolutely, you know, I’m glad you brought it up too because our kids are fantastic and our daughters have become friends, they really have. And Danielle, who wrote the last chapter of the book, um, is just so she’s got such a great perspective on us and our friendship. And she and Jessica, my eldest daughter, that have the five, you know, three and two. Jessica, my oldest daughter, that has three and two, make five grandkids, they’ve become friends. My youngest daughter, Kayla, who’s getting married in August. We were all together for her surprise bridal shower. It’s a beautiful combination that didn’t happen by accident, but we trust each other with each other’s loved ones because we trust each other so much as people. And you do it for the kids and the family. And it just makes it better for everybody. So there you go, girls.
14:01
There’s your first discussion of your new book, and I’m so happy to share it with everybody. This has been a story of unexpected friendship. Andrea Catania, Heidi Prudente, right on time for family wedding season. It’s called Wives in Law, and you can find it on Amazon. I put up all the information about the book, and the links are right there on the Debbie Nigro Show Facebook page on the Instagram at The Real Debbie Nigro, and everything will be on my website afterwards when we put up the podcast. Girls, I wish you continued love and great blessings together.
14:31
You’re wonderful to do this and you’ll help a lot of women in particular who have to deal with the aftermath of divorce where there’s no real rules. You got to make them up. Thank you both. Thank you so much for having us on. So well done. Yeah, we can do it again. Thank you, Debbie. Sorry about the fits and starts, but everybody got it.
