“The Working Grandma On The Run”

I am  a “Working Grandma On The Run”

“What The Heck Happened To My Life?” I ask myself as I sit here at 5:30am in my daughters new home 50 minutes from my own, typing while it’s quiet for a minute with a baby shark bandaid on my finger. One of my many Grammie ‘boo boos’ since I got here to help babysit. WTF with the overly sharp knives and scissors? And I could have done without that head bang up into the kitcher counter coming up too fast from picking up food off the floor.

I swear at first glance you’d think I was perfectly qualified for all this Grandma stuff with all the wrinkles and having kept my own child alive and all. They say ‘it comes back. It does kinda, but I could also forget it all in a nanosecond with the late in life ADHD. The list of ‘work things’ I have to do today is ping ponging through my head. Texts, emails, and ‘must do’ business things that MUST be done before anybody wakes up. Good luck to me.

‘Babysitting Land’ is an altered universe, where time is measured by baby hunger cries and where you’re jolted into some ‘holy crap I didn’t see that coming” situation every 6-9 minutes.

Six to nine minutes is the official attention span of a 3 year old. I’ve always been good at working ‘in between things’ but focusing on anything business related while listening to “Elmo’s song” is a challenge.

Been coming to my daughters new house a few days at a shot over the last few weeks to assist with her new little family’s transition. Until this big move she, my son- in-law and my 3 year old stand up comedienne granddaughter lived 3 blocks away. My daughter is my only child. She’s now surpassed me with two children of her own having just given birth to a little beautiful boy. I’m a Grammie again. Yippee! 

During the pandemic tortured Grandmas ‘round the world would try any reasonably safe ‘anti drop dead’ covid maneuver to see their grandkids. For me it went like this. My daughter would text, “Mom we’re going food shopping. Want to meet us at the supermarket?” Like the call of the wild I would throw on a coat and blast over there fully masked up and pop out of aisle 3 waving like a lunatic. My granddaughter thought I lived there.  “Mommy look there’s Grammie!  

Seriously, it was a regular Covid coping thing for me to be able to see my little granddaughter in a supermarket aisle when visiting in the same house was off limits. Grammie (me) who’d just come off chemo and a double mastectomy for breast cancer when Covid hit, was high risk. But I risked the supermarket on ‘off hours’ just to see that little 3 year old girl I’m addicted to. Grandkids will do that to you.

Thankfully life has lightened up a little and it’s a blessing to be able to spend quality time with my grandkids but…on a work day middle of the week? 

It started as it always starts “Mom, Can you come help babysit?

“When?”

“Wednesday”

“Wednesday? “I’m working. But if you really need me, ‘No problem’”

For a working Grandma in the middle of a work week, ‘No Problem’, I’ll babysit, translates privately into “this is definitely a fokking problem but fine fine somehow I’ll work it out”.

Grandmas who still have jobs and businesses often say yes to babysitting even when they really can’t. We are suckers! When called into action, Grandma’s act! Regardless of whatever the hell else is going on in their lives. We move shit. 

If you’re a Grandma, Grammie, Gram, Nona, Nana, Gigi, Mimi, Nanny, Nan, Mamaw, Mawma, Abuela, Abuelita or whatever, and are still working as I am, and not retiring any time soon, you might relate. If you’re just reading this ‘Working Grandma On The Run’ piece for amusement …make a note. “We Are Not Your Mother’s Grandmas.” We are under the delusion that we are higher beings than they were.

According to us, (and we know stuff) we look and act much much younger than our Grandmothers ever did. We’ve still got places to go, things to conquer, deals to make, cocktails to sip and romance to be had…unless of course we’re… babysitting.

As a syndicated radio personality once known for the award winning national radio franchise “The Working Mom On the Run” aka “What The Heck Happened to My Life?” – I have to admit I honestly didn’t figure on ‘the what the heck happened to my life part’ being an ongoing life theme. Time has not quelled my thirst for innovation in business in spite of the fact it didn’t quite go the way I planned. I’ve reinvented often. Mentally I’m at the top of my game. Physically it takes me two days to recover from ‘babysitting’? In spite of the worlds challenges and my own over the years, I’ve also kept my keen sense of humor and always try to find the light in the dark. This morning I’m just trying to find my pants.

Mostly as I sit here typing this, I am grateful I’m still alive and here to see these kids and witness the joy of my daughter and son-in-law building their own life. No small potatoes for this 2x cancer survivor.

Speaking of grateful, thank God I joined that women’s gym and started taking Zumba classes. I’m not talking ‘Dancing With The Stars’ here but hey I can bend to pick up crumbs and get back up. Extreme Bending is a critical Grandma skill.

Parents assume Grandmas can handle everything. We think we can or we forgot we can’t. Get a load of this. They left me alone here at their new house for four hours yesterday with 2 small kids with weather alerts popping up on my phone for a dangerous thunderstorm. I have no idea where the hell I am in this new neck of the woods, I’m weather neurotic and what if there’s a blackout? Grandmas have these thoughts. I was also thinking,“Wow you’re leaving me alone without a new baby refresher course ?” Instead I said, “Take your time.”

They needed to go food shopping. My daughter hasn’t been anywhere since the birth. She needed a break from pumping breast milk with anxiety while the U.S is in the middle of an infant formula shortage?  Yup just the latest news story in the news category “You gotta be fokking kidding me.” All the poor girl wanted after giving birth was a tequila. Too bad. Grammie will drink the tequila later but for now, I’m the adult in charge.

Five minutes after they left I had to rush and kill a bug. Get It! Get it! Grammie! My granddaughter was screaming. Grammie “Get it it’s over here”. Got it with my sneaker to which it half stuck. Then I had to bend and pick it up in a paper towel and get back up while holding an infant and throw it away. The bug.

While bonding with my sweet new mini grandson I realized we at least have one thing in common, we’re both regular. But the sheer number of rounds of peeing and pooping, hand washing and wiping were astounding. And that was just me. Pretty sure The Kardashians would fire me as a baby nurse. But at least the baby’s predictable. Cry, Eat, Burp, Pee, Cry, Poop ,Cry, Sleep, Repeat.

With a 3 year old you cannot take your eye of the ball for ONE second. “Nooo not the whole bottle of cinnamon!” Four hours divided by a 3 year olds’ attention span of 6- 9 minutes = between 27- 40 unforeseen adventures like climbing, running, spinning, mixing, hula hooping, crayons, water paints, ice pops, water squirting, fort building, dolls and using her Dr. kit to check out her new little brothers heart. I love belly laughing with this kid. I can tell she has my sense of humor. But my yelling ‘don’t do that!’ 50 billion times is only funny to her.  

Here in ‘Babysitting Land’ I realized there are some things I’m not really qualified for:

Troubleshooting a newfangled baby milk making machine. Thank God the 3 year old knew how.

Excessive standing – WTF happened to the padding on the soles of my feet?

Excessing bending to the ground to pick up or clean up children, toys, bugs. Wow Hips Don’t Lie.

Kneeling by a bathtub to wash a child’s hair for more than 3 seconds without MLB catcher knee pads.

Holding an intelligent business conversation holding an infant pulling a 3 year old down from a stool.

Reading the fill line on a plastic bottle without a magnifying glass.

I made it through my maiden voyage of being in charge of 2 little ones without incident but of course ‘two seconds’ before the parents came in the door, I turned my head for one second and my 3 year old BFF who was quietly coloring, dropped a crayon and slid off the chair onto her head reaching for it. She was hysterical as they were walking in. Figures. 

Later on finally lying down, while begging my granddaughter to stop jumping on the bed (about to snap crackle pop from exhaustion) she blurts out, “I love when you sleep over Grammie”.

Words like these create ‘Grammie exhaustion amnesia’ and keep us coming back for more. My little Grandson stops crying now when I hold him and sing to him. Moments Grandma’s live for. 

Oh well, this Grammies’ gotta go because boyfriend Dave is waiting at home. Yes, Grammies have boyfriends too. But Dave who has no grandchildren yet, is catching on, that when I get home from ‘babysitting’ I usually pass out exhausted on the couch in my clothes . It’s always a shocker to wake up the next day and find out which body parts need CBD pain relief cream.  I’m tellin ya this Grammie sport ain’t for sissies.

Thanks to our new remote work world no one in business knows when I slip out to, or slip back in from ‘Babysitting Land” unless I choose to bring it up. I pick my spots. When I do choose to share a funny ‘Grammie’ story with a client or business associate, I usually get some authentic family related story back. I’ve found being authentic makes for good business bonding and helps form trusting relationships.

Ok I’ve really gotta run but not before giving a big shout out to my fellow “Working Grandmas On The Run” including the kids other wonderful Nonna who surely does her part, as does wonderful Aunt Grace, and …to all the Grandmas (whatever your Grandma name) who step up to ‘babysit’ and pass out on couches around the world…I salute you. It takes a village to raise kids these days.

Adding a shoutout to all the Grandpa’s who take their Grandpa job seriously too. If you’re a Grandpa who takes time off from your job to babysit, let me know I’ll  put you in the Grandpa Hall Of Fame. 

xo

Debbie

For a few more laughs I highly recommend you hear the short podcast episode on this topic on ‘The Official Seenagers’ podcast I do with my buddy Charlie Ponger. I went straight to his house after babysitting for 2 days, had some tequila and we turned on the mics.  The episode is called “Grandmothers” unedited. 

No Problem Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Clocks Image by Memed_Nurrohmad from Pixabay