Ever since the second dose of the Pfizer vaccine kicked in and I started feeling more confident that going outside wasn’t going to kill me, I seem to have acquired a case of full blown ‘restless wandering syndrome’ formerly known as ‘ants in your pants’.
A lifelong workaholic, much of the work I do these days needs to be done on a computer. Computers are amazing. I just can’t sit in front of one too long anymore since I got the vaccine. Is there such a thing as restless wandering syndrome? ? Is it curable? Will I ever be able to really sit still again?
These days I have an unquenchable desire to be outside. Nowhere in particular, and everywhere in general. I just want air. Preferably fresh air, while attempting to get in my collective and usually unattainable 10,000 daily steps a day.
Could be a park, power walking with my daughter and granddaughter, trapsing around a random pretty neighborhood, intentionally hustling long supermarket aisles, zig sagging through Marshalls or TJ Maxx, who knows. If you were tracking me with a LoJack you’d be like where the hell is she going now? Point is, I don’t want to go back inside. Ever.
There were so many long days during the pandemic doing everything sitting in front of my computer inside. Live radios shows, writing, media posts, podcasts, emails, paying bills, etc. And because I’m also a research and information addict I also sat for a million hours going down the rabbit hole of never ending internet information. Here’s a sample snapshot scenario. I’d start with an important news story or subject or person I’m researching, then somehow slip into watching a giant whale breaching off the coast of Japan, only to be intrigued next by how to make real Indian style chicken masala and then out of nowhere find myself staring at Fredericks of Hollywood underwear. When I’d finally snap out of my desk chair information coma, I’d be like where the hell have I been? You probably know as well as I do that the internet world is so sophisticated that if you even accidentally click on a product or service online those people start tracking you everywhere, trying to sell you what they know you looked at that you don’t even remember looking at. That’s what happens when you sit too long and since experts have been warning that sitting is the new smoking, I decided I needed to quit.
Lately I much prefer walking to sitting while working on my iPhone while out and about. I seek natures walking paths with sparkling water views that soothe my soul, and parks with big shady trees I once took for granted that I stare at in wonder. (One which actually stared back. See photo below LOL) I walk and work passing houses with impeccably gardened yards analyzing the miraculous beauty of every unique flower. And I can check emails just fine while pushing my granddaughter ‘higher’ in the swing while she giggles.
Seems I’m just as productive reading, researching, and working on the move, though I did once zone out while typing and walking and tripped on a 9 inch curb I didn’t notice. Almost cracked my face open. Some nice man nearby hurried over to help me up after watching me break my full on fall with outstretched arms and palms then rolling on the ground in shock. Lucky break that I broke nothing but shook my ribcage almost loose, bruised some cartilage, almost snapped my wrists and got a few scrapes. Pretty loud wake up call.
Speaking of loud, because I work on the move now which includes my car, I’ve got this new problem of getting beeped at. Occasionally while stopped at a red light, I’ll glance down to check a text or an email, only to be horn blasted by the person behind me for taking an extra second to move my foot off the brake. I’m not talkin’ one of those lite tap ’ hey you let’s skiddadle’ cutie kinda horn taps. I’m talkin’ a ‘you mo fo let’s go you idiot ‘ horn blast. The kind of beep that crazy people live for. Working on the move isn’t always easy for us heavy thinkers. And lately I seem to be getting beeped at a lot more. I’m working on that.
I like going to my car office. I especially like taking zoom video calls there because the lighting makes you look really good. I used my car as an office often before the pandemic, and often as a changing room too, kinda like Superman did back in the day in phone booths. It was a natural place to go change atmosphere during Covid to just get out of the house even if I didn’t drive anywhere.
Now I’ll drive anywhere rather than sit still in front of my computer. My ‘restless wandering syndrome’ often causes me to go grab a cup of coffee I don’t want or need while I drive my thoughts around to free them up. Often I’ll ‘pull over’ or ‘pull in’ somewhere random to make or take a call or respond to an email or send a text. Last week I zoned out in a supermarket parking lot for 45 minutes sipping coffee while conjuring the perfect email which I typed with the wrong strength reading glasses and my thumb. Where’s the Olympic Category for that? When I snapped back to reality and realized how long I’d been sitting there, I was like, “wow that was crazy”. I can’t sit in front of my computer but I can sit typing in my car with one finger in a parking lot?
Hanging from my rear view mirror in my car is a dog tag that says ‘Don’t Panic.” A gift from Eartha Kitts daughter Kitt Shapiro to immortalize her Moms wisdom. I like to leave it there as a reminder to not to panic even though there are lots of reasons to panic every day these days. Face masks on my car seat are a constant reminder things ain’t how they used to be. Not to mention the ever growing pile of ‘re-usable’ shopping bags I never remember to bring into the supermarket.
Besides ‘ants in my pants’ and craving air in a whole new way, I do think the vaccine may have also tripped another button ‘up there’. Seems ever since I got that vaccine there are lots of things I don’t want to do so much anymore and things I’ve meant to do and haven’t yet that feel more urgent. I’m pondering a lot. Maybe I have ‘Restless Wandering Pondering Syndrome’?
For one thing my desire to share personal information on social media has shrunk substantially. For someone as vocal and upbeat as I am all of a sudden I just don’t want to share so much stuff. No big reason just seems not to matter so much, unless, what I share either helps somebody else or makes them laugh. Those two things still matter to me.
As for business many know I do upbeat and fun talk radio, and love to showcase innovative people and products on my show. I do so much homework on my subjects that often once someone is in my world, I ‘see’ business opportunities for people they never thought of and make personal introductions for them they’d never imagine. I really get a kick out of doing this and would love to do this for more people because I know how, I’m good at it, and it excites me to connect the dots between all the bright people I’ve connected with during my media career.
I’m at a juncture, a cross roads, a what’s next kind of moment for me. I need to write more. Share more. Do more. I’ll never come close to being able to help the world like a first responder, or nurse, or those who serve our country but I do I have the ability to communicate and educate; to share the necessary attitude to help people stay resilient in tough times; and to give people hope. As I ‘wander and ponder’ I’m coming up with new ideas how to use my skills to try new things that might be more personally satisfying and might help more people. Like many, I’m searching now for a better work / life balance since experiencing this horrible pandemic.
I’m drinking in a renewed appreciation for life’s beauty and the gift of breathing free oxygen with a vengeance. I walk often with a heavy heart reminded of those of those less fortunate who’ve passed from Covid, thinking of those struggling for oxygen in ICU units, and worrying about people I love who aren’t vaccinated. I think a lot about the people I love and a lot about people I love that I’ve lost touch with I need to reconnect with. I also walk with great anxiety about needing to pick up my pace on all my ‘unfinished’ business. We’ve all seen how life can change on a dime and I don’t want to run out of time.
I’m thrilled to still be alive. Alive is good. Alive is a gift. Especially for this 2X cancer survivor. People who are alive should not be sitting in front of computers all day hunched over with blue ray glasses texting technical support people to figure out sh*t. And seriously how many times can you change your password for safety reasons and be the only one who can’t access your own stuff?
Most days I do return from my ‘wandering and pondering’ to sit back down at my computer and do what must be done, but I refuse to sit there as long as I used to. My mental hard drive feels full and I’m wandering trying to find places to dump the mental garbage to make room for all of the what’s next.
I used to work into the night, but now my brain needs a break and I’ve found that randomly flipping through those 800 TV channels to see what the hell they all are, at some point knocks me out. Contrary to what Dave my other half insists, I‘m not watching ‘Crepe Erase Infomercials’ round the clock at night in my sleep. Somebody in TV land who does not have ‘restless wandering syndrome’ must have started tracking me after I watched that infomercial one time. OK so maybe I watched it a few times.
Onward,
Debbie
